Differences and Love
by Scarlet Pimpernel00
Summary: It's about Nasuada and Murtagh. A bit of rambling about Arya and Eragon; Roran, Katrina and their kids; Angela; and Saphira and Firnen. I don't own these characters, Christopher Paolini does. A few of them will be mine, but the main characters, places and history belong to him.
1. Thoughts

**Edited 2/18/14**

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_"If there's a single lesson that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so. " _  
― Lev Grossman, The Magicians

Dreams, nightmares, wishes. They are vastly different, and yet they are all the same. They never come true exactly how you thought they would.**  
**

I was once a careless young girl, helping my father lead the Varden but caring mostly for myself. That all changed in a heartbeat. A few simple words were spoken, calling me leader. My life was taken from me and given to thousands of others, most of whom thought that they could lead better. They couldn't. They would be unable to sacrifice what was needed, unable to lead to the best of others' interests, not their own.

When I decided to lead the Varden, my life changed. It became my responsibility to sacrifice whatever was necessary. But then I became queen, and my life changed again, even more dramatically than it had the first time.

Once you are queen of an Empire, you have no more freedom, no more openness. You have to keep your thoughts private, hide your true feelings behind a mask, because your people can't know how broken you are inside. And there are always those who try to kill you. Assassins, ordinary people, they all act the same way when they want you dead. My life was different in so many ways after I accepted the crown.

I love a Rider, but we are cursed to forever remain apart. He, he is immortal, undying, unchanging throughout the years. He has a dragon. He was, in thought, deed, word and name, a slave to the most vile man ever to exist. I am none of those things. I have no dragon, no immortality, and I will never understand his thoughts and feelings.

Yet we love each other. Two vastly different people, separated by huge gulfs of knowledge and experience, are deeply in love. If we could, we would cross any boundary to be together, we would go through anything to be together.**  
**

We can not. We are unable to. I am not saying that we can not physically - no - that would be the easiest part. But mentally, we can not. Even Eragon and Arya can be together, separated as they are by years and space. They are more together than Murtagh and I can ever be.

But our hearts are bound with an unseverable knot. I know that I, at least, will never love another. My heart is his, and, as far as I know, his is mine.**  
**

How do those who can not love survive? How do those who can love survive?

I have lost so many of those who I love, but the loss of the one who my heart belongs to pains me most of all.**  
**

We can never be together. It is impossible. For so many reasons.


	2. A Visitor

**Updated on 2/26/14**

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_"The doors will be opened to those who are bold enough to knock." _  
― Tony Gaskins

A knock on my door echoes throughout the chamber, resonating in the cavernous walls. Yelloweyes, the werecat, rises and stretches before striding over to the the door and gently tapping at it. My head aches, reminding me of how little sleep I got last night. And the previous night. Nightmares; I still haven't gotten over them, though it's been two years.

I shake my head to clear it of my mournful thoughts and I paste a smile on my face, attempting to look pleasant. "Come in!" My voice sounds too bright and chirpy. It is almost vulgar this early in the morning.

Angela steps in, carefully avoiding the werecat on the floor. "You look terrible. I was sent to tell you that Queen Arya is coming over earlier than expected. In fact, she will be here within hours. Do you need help getting ready?"

I smile and nod, my mood brightened by Angela's blunt frankness. "It would be wonderful." My fingers had been running through my hair, but they were captured on a large knot. "Do you have any potions or spells to untangle hair? Mine seems to be one large rat's nest."

She smiles at me again, and chuckles. "As a matter of fact, I have just the spell for that." Her voice mutters in the sound of the Ancient Language and my hair is unknotted, perfectly combed and beautiful.

Another knock comes at the door, this one firmer and more demanding. As I am halfway out of my sleeping shift, I call out, "I am occupied right now. What is it that you need?" My voice is crisp and formal.

A cool, male voice replies. "I am here to see you, Lady Nasuada."

My mouth dries at that familiar tone. What is Roran doing here? Is something wrong? He almost never comes to see me, unless something is drastically wrong or he needs assistance. There has never been a casual, just-between-friends visit.

I tug on my dress and beckon for Angela to open the door. She does so and Roran steps inside, wearing a slight smirk on his face. "What is it that you need to speak to me about?" My voice is steady, and I attempt to sound completely awake.

Roran steps closer to me, glancing at Angela. "I would like to speak with you privately."

Angela shrugs and walks out. "Lady Nasuada, if he decides to murder you, just call out. I'll come running." She grins, and with a wave of her hand, she pulls the door shut.

I smile after her and turn back to Roran, the smile dropping from my face. "Roran, what is it that you wish to speak with me about?" My voice is calm and composed, not showing my true, worried feelings.

"Lady, I have heard rumors of sightings of a red dragon and his Rider around Carvahall. I am not sure if they are true, as I have not been home to investigate, but I wanted to tell you these things."

My heart leaps at his words, and I have to force myself to keep my features composed. "Thank you for informing me of this. Is there anything else you wish to tell me?"

He smiles slightly and nods his head. "Yes. I was wondering if I could send a package for Eragon with Arya." Seeing the look on my face, he raises his hands and continues. "I know that it would get there much faster using magic, but I'm not sure if it would survive the trip. You see, it is a horse, foal of Snowfire."

I smile and nod. "I will allow that, but you may want to ask Arya for assistance with transporting it. After all, it is her trip."


	3. Hunting Gone Awry

**A Thorn chapter. It has Murtagh in it... I changed the first two chapters drastically. You might want to go back and read them.**

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_"Always speak politely to an enraged dragon." _  
― Steven Brust, Jhreg

Heartbeats filled his ears as he waited silently for a movement from his prey. He was patient, endlessly so. He was as patient as a dragon, or rather less so, as he was a dragon.

He was a young dragon, but sized as if he were years older. Galbatorix had done that, the oath-breaker, egg-murderer. He attempted to kill off the race of dragons, murdering and rampaging without a care for the conseequences. The memories from some of the Eldunari still lingered in his mind, showing the murders of their bodies and partners-of-their-soul-and-mind.

Thorn shook his head, ridding it of that train of thought. Murtagh, partner-of-his-soul-and-mind, was sad enough as it was. The shake of his head rustled tree branches, chasing off his intended prey. He growled, and sighed. Life was not hard here in the Spine. Plenty of prey, firewood and no people. What more could they ask for?

_Plenty of things, Thorn. Plenty of things._ Murtagh's bitter-mocking-weary voice entered his mind. _For example, piece of mind without the murders of thousands laying on our minds. That would be nice._

Thorn tried to comfort his friend. _Little one, we are free. What else do you wish for? _His efforts were in vain and Murtagh withdrew into his hard-pain-shell. Thorn tried again to coax him out. _Little one... Do you miss Nasuada? _

He felt Murtagh's stir of emotion and knew that was it. They shared everything, as partners-of-mind-and-soul, but some things were still hidden. _ Little one, I'm sorry._ His thoughts brightened and became happy, like he usually was._ We should go and see her!  
_

Murtagh snorted. _What do you not understand? We can't. She's the queen, and we're nobodies. _A tear slowly dripped down his face and he angrily dashed it away.

Thorn quickly strode over to him and nuzzled him gently, trying to comfort him out of his gloom. _You aren't a nobody. You are my partner and a Rider. Technically, you outrank the Queen, as you are not attached to any kingdom._

His-partner-of-his-soul-and-mind snorted and thought sarcastically to Thorn, his words biting like fire-water-acid. _But we can't be together. She'll age and die, and... And I will not. Nothing I can't do will keep her from aging and dying. _

_Murtagh, I felt a ripple in the world, earlier this month. It feels like the hatching of something that sets the inequality in the world slightly more right. I feel as if a dragon had hatched, Nasuada's dragon._

Murtagh recoiled in shock, his mind purpley brown and filled with almost-not-really-emotion. _Thorn, you can not be right. There is no way. It is impossible. Eragon only left two eggs behind, and those are for the Dwarves and Urgals._

Thorn bared his teeth in a smile-teeth-bare-grimace. _Murtagh, those eggs hatched almost the day after they were sent to the Dwarves and Urgals. Eragon sent more for the Elves and humans. Nasuada, as all others did, touched the egg and it hatched. She is still Queen, but as soon as all the races can agree on a successor, she will resign her post._

Again, Murtagh's mind-thoughts-soul filled with purple brown. _What!? Why did I not notice? Shouldn't I have felt it?_

_You've retreated into your shell for a while, ever since the battle. I imagine that is why. _Thorn was happy for his partner, but he privately had some worries. What now? What would become of the two of them?

_Thorn, don't worry. We will still be soul partners and together. Who knows? You may even like Nasuada's dragon._

Thorn bugled in happiness and spurted a bout of crimson flame into the air, lighting it and turning everything a shade of red. His doubts were erased and he bugled again.

Murtagh vaulted onto his dragon's back and Thorn leapt into the air, flapping his wings strongly and slowly. _Let us go and meet this new dragon._

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**I just had to do this. It's been on my mind ever since I read Inheritance for the 18 time. Sorry for the incredibly short chapter. I'm still violently battling with writer's block. It's mostly gone, but it will creep back in a moment's notice. If anyone has any suggestions for the next chapter, please tell me them!  
Reviews make me write faster! Please review!**


	4. Leaving and Partings

**I have a beta! I would love another one, though! Thank you madmanwithascrewdriver!**

**Go back and reread the other chapters. They've changed drastically.**

**Anyways, I'm not sure about this chapter. It is really just a filler. Nothing much happens.**

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_"Everyone must dream. We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming - well, that's like saying you can never change your fate. Isn't that true?" _  
- Amy Tan, The HundredSecret Senses

"Nasuada, thank you for being here. It means quite a bit to me. Are there any words you would like me to take to Eragon?" Arya smiled down from her perch on Firnen's back.

I smiled back, happy for her and Firnen, and gently shook my head. They were so lucky, and they had someone they can actually be with. Esterni hummed deep in her throat and spoke to me, her Rider.

_Nasuada, don't worry. I'm sure that by now Murtagh and Thorn know of us. I'm certain. _The small, silver dragon's thought-voice was sweet and melodioc. _I'm also sure that they are coming to see us right now. _

The breeze from Firnen's wings whipping at my hair, I yell one last thing to her. "When you get back, I need some help choosing a succesor. We really don't need another Rider as a ruler."

Her face curled up into a smile and Firnen, with his deep voice, told me what he thought. _We shouldn't. Maybe Roran Stronghammer would make a good King._

Peals of laughter ring across the field and I doubled over, laughing until tears came to my eyes. Arya slaps her dragon affectionately on the neck and replies to him and me. _I want to see you telling King Orin about that. He would disagree, vehemenantly. As much as you can disagree vehemenantly with a fire breathing dragon who could tear you to shreds with ease._

Firnen flew off over the sea as Arya waved one last good bye. _I will return in a year._

...

_The waves thundered on the beach, brushing the toes of a large, indistinct shape. Moonlight broke through the clouds and revealed a slight flash of red. Another shape shifted slightly, showing silvery reflected moonlight. _

_Their paws overlapped and a soft humming was just barely audible over the crash of the waves. It never changed pitch, and continued unceasingly. The hum vibrated the sand and little grains bounced off the ground as a ship sailed into the sand._

_Breaking wood echoed across and splinters flew high across the water. A high, anguished scream was heard and it covered all other noises, seeming to last forever, hanging in the stillness of the air like a shard of glass. _

_The humming paused, for no more than a breath and continued, with half the strength of before._

_Something was wrong. Very, very wrong._

...

My breath came in quick, short gasps as the last bit of my dreams resounded and echoed through my conciousness. Esterni woke, eyes blinking sleepily.

_Nasuada, what's wrong? _Her voice was innocent and calming and it drove the last bit of the dream away.

I slowed my breathing forcibly, attempting to calm down. "A dream, dear. Nothing more."

The wind howled at the windows, bringing chills running up and down my spine. It created an unearthly whistling sound that grated on the nerves.

"And this wind isn't helping my fears go away. It's rather awful."

Esterni gazed into my eyes, calming and soothing my soul. _ Are you worried? No dragon in their right mind would be out right now. It just wouldn't be safe. Anyways, all the dragons are with Eragon._

...

_Murtagh! We need to land. I can't fly in this weather! The wind is too strong! _

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**Lovely cliffhanger for you guys! I'm not making any promises for when I finish the next chapter, but it will be out by next... Thursday! Unless, of course, my muse deserts me or I have to write my chapter of the books I'm co-writing. It's quite fun, actually. If you wish to write a fanfic with me, I promise I can do better than this, send me a pm. **


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